Someone To Help With Focus
by blacksouledbutterfly
Summary: While away at boot camp Puck discusses Rachel with a new friend he made there.


Puck isn't exactly sure what happened. Well, he knows what happens but at the same time he sort of doesn't. All he knows was he was sitting in his little crappy apartment in New York talking to his mother on the phone and the next thing he knew his mother was telling him to get a better handle on his life. She was complaining over and over again about how she didn't think he had much direction in his life and that he had to start getting serious about it, that he had to figure out a direction to take his life in and stick to it. And somehow after that one conversation with his mother Puck had decided to join the army. He wasn't even sure _how_ his brain went to that place. He hadn't even realized he was going to do it until he found himself at the recruitment office. And he hadn't even thought about how his mother would be so very upset that he was choosing to do something that was hazardous, that could mean him getting hurt or killed.

Rachel was equally as unhappy. She and Finn hadn't lasted as long as they thought they would after moving to New York so in hindsight she was quite glad that she hadn't gotten married after Regionals in their senior year. After she and Finn had broken up she and Puck had become closer friends. Sure, it should have been strange to become such good friends with the girl who had just broken up with her boyfriend that happened to be one of his oldest friends but it wasn't like he hadn't grossed lines worse than that where Finn was concerned before.

When Rachel found out that Puck had joined the army she was really quite upset. She knew Finn had considered it once before and she hadn't been happy about that but she ended up not having to worry because Finn had changed his mind. But with Puck it was different. She knew that once he set his mind to something that was that. He was going to do it. And besides, he had already signed the papers that made it official. And so he knew that she couldn't convince him not to do what he had gotten it into his head to do. But she obviously wasn't happy about it. She was very, very unhappy about it.

She didn't even have to say anything for him to know that she wasn't happy with him. It was because she didn't do anything. She just gave him that unhappy look that he knew oh so well by that point and then she refused to talk to him as though that would make him change his mind. He supposed he understood because they had gotten so very close before he signed up. He wouldn't exactly say that they were dating or anything but they weren't not dating either. It was sort of still at the point that it was casual and she didn't call him her boyfriend.

She didn't talk to him for the next couple of weeks. She didn't flat-out ignore him or anything but she really didn't talk to him. She would answer his questions so simply it was like talking to a wall which was annoying because she was Rachel fucking Berry and most of the time you couldn't get her to stop talking. But she was angry so he knew that getting her to talk to him was something that just wasn't going to happen. She was just as stubborn as he was if not more stubborn. It was just a fact.

It wasn't until the last day before he had to leave to go to boot camp that she finally spoke to him. she put his hand on his arm when he went to leave and when he turned to look at her, reached up and fisted her hands in his t-shirt and then stood up on her toes and pressed her mouth as firmly as she could against his and then as she lowered herself back down she gave him this tiny little sad smile. "Be careful," she told him and that was the only thing she said to him but it was enough because it made it very clear that she was angry because she was worried about him.

He didn't talk to her after he got to boot camp and he tried really fucking hard not to think about her. It was a distraction that he didn't need and besides that, well, Rachel was just going to move on which she should. He liked her, he liked her a whole fucking lot but he knew that she deserved better than him, especially with him in the service, especially with the fact that they didn't know if anything bad was going to happen to him- a fact his mother must have pointed out about six billion times when he first told her that they he had signed up for the service. And Rachel? She was a pretty fucking awesome person so he knew she deserved better than him.

The thing was? He kept a picture of him and Rachel with him while he was at boot camp. He did that just because he cared about her and because she was someone that he was pretty close to all and all. He didn't keep it because they were together because they weren't. Not officially or anything. But he sort of loved her in his own way. He couldn't really help but love her in a way because, when you got right down to it, Rachel was an easier person to love than she thought she was. He couldn't stop himself from loving her in a way no matter how hard he tried to stop himself from loving her. He wasn't helplessly in love with her or anything but he loved her in a way and that was all there was to it.

Boot camp wasn't too bad. He had managed to make at least one friend there. Jimmy was this pretty nice though slow type of guy from Indiana that reminded him a lot of Finn just not as dumb as Finn could be. He was just this all around nice guy that Puck had just sort of stuck with from the start. They talked a lot though. They talked about a lot about a lot of things, like their homes and their friends and their family. It was just a way to make the very small amount of free time they had pass. It wasn't like they had all that much fun stuff to do there so talking was really all that there was to do. That went on for a long while.

When Jimmy asks him why he joined the army though he doesn't really have an answer for him because he isn't sure about the thought process that went through his head when he decided that was the route he wanted to take. Jimmy had gone on this long speech about how he was fourth generation in the army and how he had always known he was going to join. So his answer seemed to pale in comparison. But it was the only answer he could give him.

Then Jimmy started to talk about his girlfriend back home. Her name is Mandy and they've been together for about six years. He goes on and on about how he's going to marry her as soon as he gets the chance, about how she's the love of his life. And then he asks Puck if he's found the love of his life yet. And Puck sits there, thinks about all the girls he's thought he loved that ended up not being the right girl for him. He thinks about Quinn and Santana and Lauren and Shelby. And then he thinks of Rachel and he just can't bring himself to say her name because he's not in love with her as far as he can tell. And it's not like they're together.

So he tells Jimmy he doesn't have a girlfriend back home and when Jimmy gives him a dubious look he simply says he has a friend that he's close to, a friend that happens to be a girl he's been dating casually for a while but not a girlfriend. And then Jimmy smiles like he suddenly knows something that it seems Puck doesn't want him to know. He smiles and he sits back, runs a hand over his pale, super short hair. "Is she cute?"

Puck sort of scoffs because that's not really a word he normally would use when he's talking about Rachel. It's not a word he uses all that often in general. He would more refer to Rachel as hot because when you got right down to it Rachel _is_ hot. She's hot and has insanely long legs for a girl as short as she is. It makes absolutely no fucking sense that her legs are that long. He doesn't even deny he looks at her legs all the fucking time. But when he thinks about it? The answer to Jimmy's question is totally obvious. "Yes, she is, but I need to be focused on my training. I don't need to be distracted."

Jimmy smiles a little bit, a sort of amused smile that implies he doesn't buy a word Puck is saying which is strange because no way is Puck lying. He really doesn't need the distraction and she is cute- even though he fucking hates that word. He really fucking hates using it about any girl but especially about a girl he's sort of been dating.

"Yes, you should," Jimmy agrees with a slight nod of his head. "Distracted is good. What's her name?"

"Rachel."

"I like it. And you know what they say about riding a bicycle."

"I'm not sure I like where this is going."

"No offense meant," Jimmy assures him with a slight shake of his head. "Just saying. You know what helps me get through boot camp? Thinking about my girl. Knowing when I get to go home I get to go home for her. It's silly, I know. But it gives me something to look forward to that makes me wanna work that much harder."

"Glad you have something to look forward to."

He acts like everything that Jimmy just said means nothing to him but it makes him think a whole lot which isn't good for him during boot camp. He needs to focus on what he's doing. But somehow he can't get what Jimmy said out of his head and he can't get Rachel out of his head either because of it. Not that he doesn't think about her from time to time while he's there to begin with no matter how hard he tries not to think about her. He knows it's better to just let her go because if he does then she can find a guy that's better for her to be with and that's that.

The thing is that he can't stop thinking about Rachel no matter how hard he tries. Because he really does care about her and the more he thinks about it the more he gets antsy at the idea of her finding another person to date while he's away. He sort of really hates that. And he knows he has absolutely no right to hate that but he sort of really does. He really would rather see her without someone else which he knows is selfish. And it's not because he doesn't want to see her happy. He really _does_ want to see her happy. He wants to see her happy more than anything else in the world. He's just sort of not willing to actually lose her.

It's not until a couple of weeks later that he realizes that Jimmy is right, that thinking about Rachel sort of helps him in a way. it helps him to realize that he cares about her more than he ever thought he would and that he really sort of only wants to be with her, that he doesn't want her to go out and find another guy and sort of forget about her. She might be able to find a guy better than him but he's not going to be able to find a girl better than her and he knows that for sure. Rachel is the best girl he can get.

That's why when he gets the chance to call Rachel up he does. He calls her up and waits patiently for the phone to ring. And as soon as he picks up he lets out this breath he doesn't even realize he was holding until the air is rushing out of his lungs. He sort of smiles as soon as he hears her voice. "Hey, Rach."

For a few seconds she's very quiet and then, in a very quiet voice, she whispers, "Hi, Noah." If he's Noah and not Puck he knows that means she's not too mad at him. She's always calling him Puck when she's mad at him.

"I need to talk to you about something. Something I've been thinking about a lot lately."

"Okay…"

"So…we were sort of dating before I left, right?"

"Well, yes…"

"And, well…" Okay, he's never been the type to be shy or anything when it comes to women. He always knows exactly what to say to them and he always has. He sort of feels like a total punk and a loser for not being sure what to say just then but he's never had to have that type of a conversation with a girl before so fucking forgive him for being a little nervous about the whole ordeal. It's just a tense thing to talk about.

"Okay, so I was thinking a lot lately. About a lot of shit. I was talking to a friend here. He was telling me about his girl back home and it got me to thinking about shit. And it got me to thinking about you."

"About me? What about me?"

"Okay, just let me say what I gotta say and then you can talk, okay?"

"Okay…"

"Okay." He glances around so that he can make sure no one else is listening into his conversation. "Okay, the thing is I fucking like you. Like, a whole lot. I don't know. I might even love you but, you know, I think I love people a lot when I'm not really sure. But the thing is that I really like you and I got to thinking about you finding another guy to be with and I don't like it. I mean, I can't stop you and I want you to be happy but I don't like it. I just can't stand the idea of coming back home and seeing you with another guy. And I think about you all the time while I'm here. You kinda just…help me through shit." Yeah, he was sounding like a total pussy.

"Fuck it. I just wanted to know…I wanna call you my girl. I wanna be able to tell people I have this hot little girlfriend waiting for me back in New York with a huge fucking voice and killer legs that are way too long for her body but just look hot and not weird. I wanna tell them that you're my girl, Rachel. And if you don't want that? That's cool. But I figure I won't know unless I ask. So, yeah. I just wanna know if I can call you my girl."

She's quiet for so long that he feels like an idiot. It feels like she's trying to find a really easy way to let him down but whatever. Nothing to be done about that. He put it out there and she can say 'no' if that's what she wants. He just had to ask.

"…okay."

He almost isn't sure he hears her right. "Wait, what?"

"I said okay."

"Okay as in you want to forget about it or okay as in I can call you my girl?"

"As in…you can call me your girl."

Puck sort of smiles like an idiot despite himself. "I hope you fucking know when I get leave to come home for a while I'm going to kiss you until you can't fucking breathe."

She lets out this sort of laugh that sounds so very surprised he smiles wider, looks even more like an idiot. "You're insane."

"Maybe I am. But you're the one dating me so that makes you even crazier than me." He looks around and realizes he has to hang up soon. "I gotta go. But I meant it. I'm coming right to your place the second I can."

"Okay. Be careful, Noah."

"When I got you to come back to? You bet."

When Jimmy asks him why he's smiling like an idiot when he gets back to his bunk he just tells him he'll talk to him about it in the morning. For then? He just wants to go to sleep and have dreams of his sexy now girlfriend. And those dreams? Yeah, he knows they're going to be too adult to share but that's cool.

A guy can think that way about his girl and no one can say shit about it.

He's true to his word though because the second he gets to her apartment? He kisses her like he can take the air right out of her lungs. She doesn't seem to mind much though. And that? That's the best part.


End file.
